My Struggle

Dear Bloggie,

I'm so grateful to God Almighty because I have more chances to post up weekly blog entries. Something happened, and I will not forget this day and I will take it as a good lesson and experience in the future.

We often heard of people in TV telling how did they faced death situations and death itself. Split seconds decisions were made and they survived one legged on the ground with another still stepping beyond the border of afterlife. I faced death myself, again today.

Najib invited me and few of my closest friends over his house for lunch over at Kuala Kubu Baru, Selangor. On our way there there was a river. Most of the part I remembered was shallow and wasn't deep. It was hard to move around because the stones underneath were sharp and there were too many of them. So I assumed this would be a safe normal soaking in the water trip for me, until then.

Faiq, Baha, Lee, and Faisal were enjoying themselves, having their adrenaline rushed in their heads, jumping into the deep part of the river from higher grounds. I was taking their pictures. When they had their turns a few times, I was challenged to jumped as well. I wasn't very sure about the challenge. At first, I wasn't convinced that I was able to do it until Fandi, who is like me, couldn't swim as well jumped and he was ok. To add more, I was guaranteed by the lifeguards down there who was waiting for me to jumped.

I jumped. I landed well. I wasn't hurt, but I didn't managed to hold my breath for too long. I couldn't feel anything underneath the water like I always used to when I soaked myself in the shallow river. I panicked. I tried to float myself like what Baha taught me earlier, but I got panicked even more because I couldn't turned my body facing upwards.

I tried to grab anything I can. I could tell there were hands and bodies that tried to pull me across and push me upwards. I tried very hard to response but I lost their grabs. I began to float in the middle of the the river and deeper into the water. I was drowned.

I couldn't catch any breath so I tried to hold myself. There was a time I thought my face was already on the surface of the water and I tried to breathe, but all I sucked into my throat, nostrils and lungs were water. I panicked even more.

I wasn't afraid of death, honestly, but it was hard when I needed air to breathe. I was helpless for moments. I began to lose hope and giving myself up. I had flashbacks of myself; how I grew up around my parents and siblings, my family and my close friends, the days I had as a teenager and as a growing adult. Ironically, I even thought of Diana. I knew I was smiling when I thought of them, and I stopped moving. Since then, I thought of what would happened after death and what's going to happen to my body, how will it be written in the papers and will it be broadcast on Bulettin Utama. I actually thought of that all in split seconds rather than thinking of how to survive.

I opened my eyes to get my last view because I thought at that point, it was going to be the last time I would see anything. Everything under the water was so clear. I saw the damned stones underneath the water and floating leaves on the surface. I was hoping to see some fishes but that wasn't going to happened. What kind of fish would swim there?

I saw light. I was the sun. Immediately I thought of Holy Spirit; the communion of Saints, the forgiveness of sins and the life everlasting. I want to live. I had so much energy left and I didn't notice myself. I began to struggle again. I tried to dive upwards to catch some air and I managed to, but I forgot how to float myself and thus I was going into the deep water again. I felt a push on my back and I knew there was a help. I did the right thing to not giving up, someone did try to get me back. It was Baha. He managed to push me to the side of the river and I could feel the ground. I quickly stepped on it and pushed myself. I slowly move myself onto the stones and sat on them. I was saved.

I was so thankful to the guys who tried to save me. I knew God hasn't give up on me. I am so grateful. I truly am.

So this was yet again another story of my life and death situation. My struggle to live yet another few decades ahead. It is hard to live our lives and yet so hard to die as well. People said a cat has seven lives, but I believe as of today that us humans, has a life that we cannot manage to throw away just like that. The effort to keep our candles of life to lit, the struggle throughout the days to live yet another day, the glory we all achieved as we managed to live for a long time.

This was my struggle. My next struggle, is to live and to become glorious.


Yours Sincerely,
Daniel Jangin Agau
king of kings

pinned up - The King of Kings won his battle with The God of Sea, The Mighty Poseidon.